Marie Taylor, Ink

“I expect that woman will be the last thing civilized by man.” George Meredith

The other day I was talking to a male friend of mine, let’s call him Joe, and Joe said, “Me and Shelia had us a disagreement last night and the next thing you know she starts crying to beat the band. I don’t understand it, Marie. Why do women cry when they get angry?”

“It’s obvious,” I replied. “The reason Shelia cried was because she was frustrated that there was no gun nearby with which to shoot you.” I saw the puzzled look on his face and realized that this simple explanation required further elaboration.

So, I elucidated which is not as loose or as easy as it sounds. From the time that women are little girls certain gender patterns of behavior are set into motion and reinforced over the years. For example: little Marie is in the backyard playing in the sand box. Tommy the neighborhood bully sits down and takes her bucket.

“Waaaa!” she cries and runs to Daddy. “Daddy, that mean Tommy took my toys.” Daddy narrows his eyes and takes a bead on Tommy. “You wait here. I’ll get it back.” And he does!

What is the lesson here? Daddy did not say, “Punch the little brat in the nose and show him who’s boss!” No, no. Little girls are taught not to fight – just as little boys are taught not to cry. Instead, Marie learns that tears can often produce the desired result when she wants her own way – and all without much effort on her part.

Her satisfaction and delight are boundless but short-lived because…

One day, sweet, little Marie is at the playground minding her own busines when that mean bully Tommy once again takes her bucket.

“Waaa!” she cries. But Daddy is not around. In fact, there is no rescuer in sight. What to do, what to do? So, Marie bops Tommy the Turd on the head with the shovel and yells, “Give it to me,” as she twists his arm and kicks his ankle.

Tommy wails loud enough to attract the attention of the kindergarten teacher who runs over and grabs her by the arm just as Marie is about to deliver another bop.

“Nice little girls don’t hit other children, Marie!” she admonishes, which is like being surprised but not in a good way. “Tell Tommy you are sorry. You better behave or nobody will like you.”

Over time Marie learns many variations on this theme. She learns that crying is good for getting her own way but only if she has some solid back-up such as a dad, brother, or old boyfriend nearby. She learns that nice girls don’t fight or swear or fart or burp or raise their voice. If they do, nobody will like them.

So, what can a girl do if she gets into a situation and the odds are against her? As we have seen, tears will only work in certain situations. Taking action brings her into conflict with the Nice Girls directives.

Thus thwarted, which has nothing to do with warts or lisps, she gnashes her teeth in frustration. She is accused of being over-emotional by the overbearing, logic-dominated, anal-retentive opponent.

There are not many options left to even the playing field. Since women are the more deadly of the species, the patient ones among us choose poison as their weapon of choice. A 357-Magnum is a better alternative for those of a more fiery disposition.

Fortunately, we women usually exercise self-restraint to harness our naturally aggressive inclinations. We remember that we have a responsibility to keep men alive in order to produce the next generation. After all, if we didn’t, who would be around to put air in our tires?

“Women are the gates of hell.”  St. Jerome