Marie Taylor, Ink

The crayon-printed sign read “Missing Cat.  Orange tiger, one white paw. Her name is Mitzy.  Reward.  797-6395.” The printing on the yellow-lined paper was childish and awkward. I read it one morning taped to the mailbox in a neighbor’s front yard.

Missing cats, missing children, missing lovers, missing in action.  Sometimes our ordinary world is turned upside down and someone or something we love falls through a crack in time while we were glancing away.

Then we are left with Not Knowing. Our mind spins out of control trying to remember if there was any sign that portended this non-event. I say non-event because we never know if the missing cat has been abducted, run over by a car, poisoned by tainted food, killed by a dog, or merely it hungered for a change of address.

So we put the food bowl by the back porch and call “Kitty, Kitty!”  But no cat comes.  We leave the bowl out overnight but when the food is gone in the morning, we do not know if was Mitzi or a neighborhood possum.   

We print signs and post them on telephone poles and tape them on the windows of the corner store. We put ads in the Lost & Found but the cat that is found does not have a white paw.  At night we lie in bed and hope that kitty is OK, somewhere, with someone who loves her. 

But the thing that really drives us crazy, the source of our pain, is the Not Knowing. Should we go into mourning or remain hopeful, for to give up hope too soon will show lack of faith on our part and may jinx their return.  For days, or weeks or years, depending on the bond, we exist in Limbo, a suspended animation of the heart. 

It is our mind that craves certainty. We believe that if we know for sure, we have control of our lives and can protect our hearts.  We clamp down on the things we love so that they do not slip away while we are distracted. Above all, we want to keep Chaos at bay, hold Chance at arm’s length, and slow Change from the appointed rounds. 

At some point in our lives, we ourselves are the lost cat, the absent child, the missing soldier. There are loved ones out there looking for us, putting ads in papers, signs in windows, notices on Facebook, and waiting for word of our return. 

There are people in all of our lives who we have left behind, from whom we have distanced ourselves, whom we have forgotten in our busy lives. Is it a parent, a friend, a former loved one? Today may be a good day to call them and end their Not Knowing.