When I moved to Sacramento I wanted to become involved in the community so when a friend asked me to volunteer some time at a local Alzheimer’s Daycare Center, I agreed. Once a week I would visit and start a discussion with the ladies on a topic such as “what do you remember about a pet you had as a child?” or “tell me about your first boyfriend,” or “what did your house look like?”
The topics were always about things of their childhood as I thought those memories might be more accessible than what happened two years ago or even yesterday. As they talked, I wrote down their stories and the following week would give them a typewritten version to keep and share with their families.
It was a very poignant experience. One lady could remember the doll she had as a child but not that she had children of her own. Another had little recall of her husband but remembered a pet cat. They might know the color of her childhood bedroom but not what their parents looked like.
At the same time their minds were slowly crumbling away, I could see a deep kindness emerge. If someone would start fretting because they couldn’t recall something, one of the ladies might give her a hug and say, “Don’t worry, sweetie. I don’t remember some things either.”
In my own life, I now have to acknowledge that I too sometimes have difficulty recalling a name or event or even the right word. There are whole years that have become blurred. Exactly how old are my grandchildren? What year did this or that happened? What year did I change jobs?
When I read some of my old writings, they seem like they were written by someone else. I think I was much wittier then, could make more outrageous connections, walk a thinner tightrope. My vocabulary was large and varied; the exact word was instantly available.
At the same time my mind has become rustier, the hinges of my heart are better oiled. I am less judgmental and more forgiving; more interested in the process than the destination. In this Great Forgetting, I find that my world has become a kinder, gentler place.
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